I smile for the sake of others. I can't conjure up a genuine smile to save my life but that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is the judgement that it brings from others once they've figured out that I only smile for their benefit. Somehow an act that was for their benefit becomes treason. Shouldn't they feel bad for ME rather than themselves ?
I put on this exhausting act to make people happy. It really is a lot of work but in the end it's not only not appreciated it's grounds to label me a liar. I'm posing this question to you, dear Universe. Answer it and I'll give you my best and brightest fake smile.
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People's actions are a reflection of themselves and how they feel. I finally figured out, after asking the similar questions, that's it's US custom. You ask, and you're suppose to say 'everything is great'—because the intent of the classic question is cordiality, and nothing more. If you respond more authentically, people are taken aback because it really wasn't dialogue they were seeking.
ReplyDeleteSisyphus, treat yourself to some love today, and some ramen made with spirit. :-)
Davina
PS. It wasn't initially angst (Although, I had plenty of that much later.)that put me into the arms of punk rock and the 80's life at such a tender age, but fun and spirit, boldness. living with a destiny. I suppose. And ambition to an extent. I wanted purpose, meaning, glam and glitter. I later called it soul and prose in fishnets, lol. It was just natural.
A world without ramen is a world I could not tolerate. As for the love... I've got a few missing pieces. Everyone knows that there are different kinds of love. It seems that the only kind I'm capable of is that of a parent. It's good enough for me most of the time. I do miss being able to love as lovers do sometimes. It's not something that I know how to go about retrieving though. That capacity got lost along the way along with the love for friends, love of expression, and the love of self.
ReplyDeleteIt'll all return someday. I'm sure. Just gotta figure out who I am now that I can't be the demon anymore.
P.S. French punk is a riot. Look into Les Wampas (spelling may be off)